Survival of the fittest....

The rockets used as fireworks and the rockets used to launch satellites into the orbit have a fundamental difference apart from the science part that is. While the former takes a while to ignite, it rises high up the sky with speed n steadiness n in comes a BOOM, lots of thrill lots of sound n lots of dazzle but eventually it fizzles out and becomes a piece of debris as it falls down. But the rockets which launch satellites are equipped with adequate amount of fuel, as one cylinder gets flushed out another starts supplying the ammo and this re energizing goes on until the motive is attained, that of launching the satellite into the orbit where it then goes on n on revolving around the planet.

Now the curious case of IPL draws some striking anomaly with the above mentioned differentiation. So it took off with great momentum, sustained it even at an alien place, but a question looms on, does it have it in itself to go on and launch itself into the orbit where in it would not need any obnoxious thrusts (read glam dolls, bollywood connections, flattering commentators etc.) but the quality of cricket which would sustain the excitement. The immensely successful EPL is a great example of how quality is the sole driving force and not the attention diverting so called entertainment sublets.

Here the first thing is how can IPL rival a, once in two years held, 20-20 world cup. The 4 foreigners cap in playing XI is as per me the Achilles heel of IPL. Here we are looking at 12 teams with each team complete with 15 solid players(who would easily find their way into any IPL team but for the 4 foreigners cap) playing with pride n giving their all since its a fight for their country. Camaraderie is evident since all of dem share the same language if not the ethnicity. And yes money isn't the only factor they are playing the game for. N then we see at 8 teams where 4 foreigners are allowed wherein some are retired stars(Warne,Gilly), some are fading(Vaas), some are struggling(Hodge) and some ..well.. unheard(Van Wyk). In every team we have at least 3 or 4 centrally contracted Indian players out of whom there are the million dollar flops(Ganguly,Laxman) , the written-off-no more in contention players(Kaif,Agarkar), the Ranji Superstars-World stage failures(Venugopal,Yashpal) and yes the unknowns here as well(Kamran Khan,Asnodkar,The Sardars). All of them find a place in an IPL playing XI. The tail starts after the fall of 3rd wicket and part timers bowl 40% of the overs. Is it quality??? Last year what got lost in the flat tracks is now surfacing its ugly head in the SA edition. Not a single innings worth to write home about in the entire first half of the IPL doesn't sound 2 good. Quality would ensure the longevity of the concept n not fanfare. Local player infusion is necessary but not at the expense of our time and money. Local players can be utilised properly,without compromising on the quality of the game,only by introducing some more teams and doing away with the 4 foreigner cap. That way enough local talents would be fused in the team and a good amount of foreign elements be accommodated as well. That would ensure a good balance in the team. No team will have to compromise on its balance just because of this rule.

EPL brings itself apart from the once in 4 yr World Cup with sheer brilliance of the team and the players in them. every single player in the playing XI of a EPL match can find a place in any of the 32 WC playing nation. Someone of Tavez's stature has to sit out in majority of the matches for the want of balance in the team. This is what we call quality. This is what differentiates it from the premiere event.

Nurturing local talent doesn't sound believable from the mouths of people who instate the so called strategy breaks and put players (more so their pride) on auction. Mr.Modi stop being an hypocrite. Today the going is good due to the mass appeal so he is playing the boss, once it fades out for the want of quality the same Modi would start begging for mercy to the Rich n the Famous.

Dont forget its a jungle out there, where the Darwin's principle rules supreme....SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST... Evolve yourselves before a fitter prey devours u.

Chal meri Luna...

I just witnessed a defining moment of my life in the parking lot. I saw a Kinetic Luna. N u bet was I nostalgic or what. Suddenly the good old memories came rushing by, how a Luna always has its rear seat pulled out to accomodate sacks full of some thing or the other. Now hardly we get to see them on the roads. Guess more suave Mobikes have taken precedence in the wish lists of yougsters nowadays. Trying to relive the marketing campaign that would put many a marketing gurus to shame-The saga of Luna.

Kinetic Luna was first launched in 1974 nad was among the very few automatic models available in India then. So it was designed for the upmarket office going ladies who wanted better ways of commutation n were finding bikes n hamara bajaj hard to maneover. In its haydays Luna was endorsed by the likes of serious actors like Smita Patil and Shabana Azmi. Later on as it was lauhced with the college going kids in mind the then young Sachin Tendulkar and Mohd Azharuddin were roped in as well. Among its famous campaigns was a race against the Deccan Queen train between Mumbai and Pune. Luna was so hot as a Tv campaign brand that it was really a sought after ad by the audiences. Prahlad Kakkar and Piyush Pandey both started their careers on the back of their successful ad campaigns for Luna. Among the 1st characters of the Luna ads was The "ram murari" from the very popular "chal meri luna" ad played by none other than Raj Kumar Hirani. It started many careers but was forgotten by all. Sachin, Azhar, Piyush Pandey, Raju Hirani, Kakkar et al.

Luna was among the first brands which started the innovative trend of gifting bikes as a part of their ad campaigns. Before Man of the matches got Audis n Mercs as a prize for man of the matches n series Luna was the much adored prize. Luna also co branded itself with the SSC results where in the SSC topper used to be given a Luna as the prize. 1 more innovation was incorporated for the students who could never dream off topping the exams neither would ever dream of getting a Luna as a prize from their dads for scoring high. For them kinetic also used to felicitate a student with a Luna as prize who would pass with exactly 33% of marks in SSC.

Such was the strong campaign it made Luna the soul flag bearer for more than 2 decades in its category and never could no other brand infringe the moped category what now became a generic term. The Luna category. Thats what we call marketing.

ZOOZOO

There were days when Lalitaji used to tell us why Surf gives a better shade of white and housewives used to vouch for her suggestion n the Kirani used to laugh all the way to the bank. He would hate those "TWAAIIING Nirma Nirma washing powder Nirma" ads because for the obvious price factor. Lalita ji though is laughed off today was the single biggest icon on TV who could sway away all the target market. This she did in the era of Chitrahaar n Rangoli. When there was only a single Doordarshan to cater to the huge audience and yes a less demanding one at that. She was catering to an audience who had loads of patience, who could stare onto the monitor showing color patterns and an obnoxious TTTTTTUUUUUNNNNNNNNN... So an odd commercial in between for them was another chance to oogle upon a sexy bimbo. So here she was swaying the whole nation with her preachings.

But gone are the days, with the advent of some hundreds of channels on TV the ever decreasing attention span of the audience the commercials in between are a big pain in the ass. A Shahrukh in a bathtub, Big B becoming a priest, dont help the scene either.But then sometimes u c a small kid talking on his toy fone, a cute Pug running around, an Aamir Khan drinking only coke, , a girl burying her tooth and u think well creativity isnt dead yet. To think of it, A 30 yr old Amul girl campaign still gets more eyeballs than 10-15 Shahrukhs sharing da screen space trying to sell a ball pen. A rustic fevicol ad still glues the couch potatoes onto their seats. So creativity was never dated but comes forth in small bursts so that we could appreciate the good works n loathe the hideous 1s. As they say there would have been no Raam but for Raavana or there would have been no Sholay but for Gabbar Singh. Just like that a Priyanka Chopra crying over Saif or a Ranbir sheding his clothes to get his can of Pepsi are always required to understand what can a good chemistry between Gul n Aamir or Vidya n Madhavan do for a brand. Ad campaigns come n go but only a few stay in the minds, some are kept alive by Orkut n Facebook communities and some just by the sheer amount of impact they had, so much so that they stole the thunder of the very event they had sought to give their brand more visibility.

So in came something which even overcame all the brouhaha surrounding IPL in a cricket mad nation. The ZOOZOOS they were. White creatures, a grey background with all the colors of our lives in their antics. N boy are they amusing or not. Such is the confidence of the agency that each match has a new Vodafone ad and they know each would be equally liked by the masses n the classes alike. You cant help a hearty laughter at the plight of the terrified husband after the accident, scared kids n wife of the sleeping man, the angry girl and his prankster boyfriend, the band party, the poor crickters, the croc...well too be precise,all of them. Its just not the antics of the characters but the main motive of the ad,brand presentation, is served very well as well. Coz the icing on the cake for that final laughter is in guessing the product that is being advertised and always it takes the piece with the cherry on top. An absurdly boring pre match discussion and not so engrossing cricket actually working bigtime in promotion of the commercials and with all the strategy breaks timeouts n constant fall of wickets u have nothing else on TV which is more intresting than the spate of Vodafone ads.

Come to think of it what I learnt from the news channels is these characters are not animated these are really people wearing balloons. Amazing or what??? I mean how on earth can someone think of such a wonderful concept, because as is norm generally animated characters are made trying to make dem as close to reality as possible n here we are looking at people wearing balloons in sets making it all appear so Disney Worldish. Hats off!!!

Here are some details about the zoozoo ads of Vodafone straight from the horse's mouth.

Rajiv Rao, creative director of the agency that handles Vodafone advertisements, said: “We wanted to make real people look as animated as possible. Our actors were small-bodied, thin women covered in layers of white fabric. Each facial expression was made of rubber and pasted on the actors.” A film shot at 20 frames per second made the Zoozoo’s movements hurried and comical. Of the 29 different Zoozoo ads created for the IPL, there will be a new one everyday .

Isnt it a wow news we got many more to go even when we thought its gonna be over anytime soon. The average cricket and pathetic pre match discussions notwithstanding I am really looking forward to the next half of IPL. A big Thank you to the Vodafone for tis fresh lease of life bestowed upon us byb the sweet lilttle ZOOZOOs.

Personal favourite: The crocodile wala ad.

What I hate about IPL

1...Panel of "EXPERTS"
For all my money and my limited gyan on the cricketing nuances I can bet you would have never witnessed a duo as dumb as the people we see in the so called extra innings who would easily put to shame a progeny of a blonde n a sardar. Arun Lal and the other random fellow. It fails me as to how on Earth can someone expect people to even pass a glance at their discussions when all you hear is 2 absurdly boring people talk crap in the veil of viewpoints and that too for an hour. What makes me roll on the floor is when the random fellow suggest ways to Gilly,Dhoni,Sachin et al tips on how to set fields, choose dr XI and rotate their bowlers. The Random fellow sometimes gets overboard when he sees people from his clan read the film industry get footage. His xcitement level reaches a zenith when theres a Cheerleader routine on air. N god help us when its raining. Its a non stop 4 -5 hrs torture then. N wats more disgusting is u ve to listen to Mandira n da Chinki Reality star blabber crap when all u want to know is whens the next inspection n if at all there is any chance of a match there or not. The so called comperers of the show croon over the rains being beautiful, the table mountains being beautiful, the hordes of umbrellas looking beautiful, Neeta Ambani looking beautiful but someone please tell me what about the beautiful game??? Who says commercials dilute the fun out off cricket. I would pay to watch the Vodafone commercials instead of this chatter.

2...The Omnicient,Omnipotent,Omnipresent Demigod
A first look at him, u c an obnoxious little jerk, talking with spit on the corner of the lips(yuck!!!),horrendous accent and the love of standing besides superstars.The man they call Lalit Modi. Without discounting the fact that IPL owes its very exsitence to him, watching this man being there in every stadium, with every superstar, at every dugout, at every prize distribution makes u wonder is it his daughter's marriage? Can anyone ever forget his emotional speech complete with thank you's even to his kids n dogs, now that would put an oscar acceptance speech to shame. But wait a while wasnt it supposed be an opening ceremony speech. So finally the great man declares the game open. Oops!!! Mr.President of Republic of South Africa, were u supposed to do dat. Please don't mind, When its cricket and its administrator from BCCI, u dnt argue, u just say Boss is always right. So our great IPL Gladiator took away all the credits for staging the IPL and Mr.President's men took all the headaches of organizing a frenzy for a month at 3 weeks notice. As in India we say, Tension lena ka nai,dene ka. Adding to that aur jab kaam ho jaaye sara ka sara credit le jaane ka.

3...Mandy bani Madira
What happened to the noodlestraps, the plunging necklines, n the ever visible naval? Saree was never wore more "aesthetically" after the Zeenat Aman classic. The day IPL began, here I was getting all ready to ride the IPL bandwagon n with oogling eyes and watering mouth I awaited some skinshow,I switched on the TV, I saw a woman, FULLY CLAD one complete with mufflers n balaclavas. I screamed at my bad luck, For lord's sake this is IPL "Manoranjan Ka Baap" not Krishi Darshan. Mandira Bedi whatever happened to you??? N immediately I get my answer, apparently its biting cold there(but hey dint I see all the heroines in our regular bollywood movies dance semi nude on the snow capped alps???) Mandira u disappointed me. So much for the damn cold of an equatorian climate. Equatorian climate did I say??? Isnt it supposed to be hot during summers??? I have my answers for my own questions as well. At the slightest drop of temp and at certain Logitudinal dislocation,why do v start screaming its freezing out here. I start wondering is it us Indians or is it also with all the other so called hot n humid country's people. White skin fetish is it??? Beats me??? Coming back to Mandira. Its nt dat she has lost her touch at burning the desires of average Indian male (A bikini shot at poolside for a leading national daily still made people kill some millions of their possible descendants on the bathroom floors ;) Its really intriguing what was the reason for the reverse metamorphosis of this flambouyant(read bold) sports presenter to the good ol' Doordarshan's Shanti. Is it da cold??? Whatever it is...Sucks bigtime.

4...The "Ch-In-dian" Idol
In between there u will find a certain Mongoloid asking a cricketer questions like howz he enjoying the scene for he has been dropped from the team and likes. Wasnt that enough u have to bear with his croonings at the drop of hat, or at the drop of raindrops or ahhhh,yes, a glance at Shilpa "Big Brother" Shetty. Was Jimmy Amarnath's rustic Punjabi folk songs less ear jangling, Sony had to hire a singer from China for that (Apparnetly his forefathers were Chinese).

5... The young brigade
Loud statements, apathy to seniors, foul mouthed tall talkers. Completes the persona of Generation X as they like to be called as. There was a time when India's fastest bowler Srinath refused to mouth expletives even when his coach asked him to do so, that was an exhibition of our culture, not of meek sufferers but of headstrong individuals who believe in the very truth of war-U need to WIN a match and not make the opposition LOOSE it. Exemplary icons followed Sachin, Rahul, Laxman, Kumble... But today even a 5 foot nothing Chawla takes a wicket and the only stuff u can decipher from his lip sync is a flow of the choicest Hindi expletives. And there is the exception to Darwin's theory of evolution,Sreesanth, who starts staring and do dirty dance even when someone of sachin's stature is in front of him.. Some years back cricketers used to be the idols of the country for they were not only super talented but humble human beings as well. But today these players, who can hardly match even an iota of the talents those peaceful souls ever possesed, have made Indian cricket give the impression of a street brawl. This IPL has been a true eye opener for these brats coz now the seniors are the ones who are masters of this so called young man's game in trying conditions. IPL has been a great leveller, it has levelled the high flying youngsters too the ground. What is great for us for instance is for once at least u dnt have to cheer for an average fast bowler(Read Praveen Kumar) whose face is alwez made up like his mum fed him human faeces since the day he was born.

Make way... KRK is here

DESHDROHI:

...I bought, I saw and I was conquered...

Considering the connoisseur of Mithunda's movies that I am, Its really hard to please my senses when it comes to the KANTILAL SHAH genre of movies. I am a tough cookie to crack I must say. So here I was, already bowled over with such an amazing marketing campaign, it was already THE movie of the decade for me. Times being that of recession and considering I had paid a grotesque amount of Rs.6/- per movie in the 5 in 1 DVD (Well a typical Code Coolie isn't da same extravagant guy hu used 2 splurge like a Christmas Night's Ebenezer Scrooge) , I surely wanted each single penny worth of the money I spent. Lo and behold,was he successful in that or nt. Both the director and Sir KRK were not only able to raise the already raised bar but they simply bowled me over n made me feel ashamed of myself for having seen the movie in a pirated DVD n not in the local IMAX theatre preferably in Gold class.

Yes there was Gracy Singh as well, the simpleton "Gaon ki Gori" who romanced a rustic Bhuvan has transformed into a Leather jacket clad, hard core Dirt Biker. The 1st scene when she hurls her helmet to one of the goons attacking his pint sized hero speaks volumes of woman empowerment n she presents an exemplary picture of the much publicised Woman of Substance.

When u see a Scarecrow who doesn't look scary enough to even scare a crow(for Crows might mistake him for one from their own clan), thrash to pulp monstrous sidekicks, it sure sends ur adrenaline flow on a roller coaster.

I beg for your mercy oh great "KANTILAL SHAH" , u r no more the god, our cult has a new face now.